


Misery loves Company

by Nelioe



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hunting, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Survival, that tag is important, what follows the hunting might be gross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:42:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8405647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelioe/pseuds/Nelioe
Summary: The games were never over. Fili had to realise this after winning. At least Kili would soon be spared the fear of being chosen during the "Lottery" or so Fili hoped. But then again, the odds had never been in their favour.Written for FiKi week.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Fri, 28 Oct: ~~crossover~~ or **borrowed universe**
> 
> I want to apologise in advance, I think this story didn't turn out that well, because it seems I'm fighting a block once again. But I still wanted to see it finished, since this was the first idea I had for this week and I didn't want to give up on it. And while it isn't completely written yet, at least the first chapter can be posted on time. I'm aware that it would be possible to post it later, but I know myself, I need this deadline, otherwise I might have pushed it away and never looked at it again.  
> Despite everything, I hope it didn't turn out too bad.

 

 

When Fili opened his eyes in the middle of the night he couldn’t tell what woke him at first. Waking with a start, sweaty from the claws of a nightmare, was quite common the closer they came to the next reaping. This time, though, his heart wasn’t pounding as if it wanted to escape his chest, the air didn’t feel thin and as if it refused to find its way into his lung and despite the warm summer his bed room didn’t seem sticky at all.

Fili blinked, the soft hue of the beginning morning illuminating his bedroom, as he tried to understand what woke him. It was then that he noticed the soft breathing beside him. Turning his head, his gaze landed on Kili’s still form, resting peacefully next to him. He should’ve known.

Releasing a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding, he relaxed again. Ever since Fili’s return and move into the Victor’s Village Kili suffered from nightmares. It wasn’t surprising, Fili was punished with his own fair share after surviving the arena, but he had been seventeen when he was chosen. Kili was twelve when he saw his brother, in everything but blood, fight for his life. Of course something as gruesome as this would leave lasting effects.

And so their strange little arrangement had started. Whenever Kili had a bad dream he snuck out of the house, making sure Fili was alright and stayed overnight. Even though Fili had given him a key, during warm months like this, the brunet would simply climb through the open window, lying down beside Fili quietly. He didn’t want to wake him, just needed the assurance that his friend was fine.

They were an unlikely pair, Fili had to admit. Four years before Fili was chosen they had met for the first time. Kili, with his hollow cheeks and the sad eyes after his father passed away from some illness, to which no one had the resources it would’ve taken to heal him. If it had been anyone else Fili might’ve walked past him, ignoring his grief. Everyone was fighting with their own set of struggles, there was no reason to burden himself with the sorrow of another, especially if it couldn’t be soothed with some quick words of comfort. But Kili’s father had been well known, a good man, who hunted in the woods that were only meant for forestry. A man, who shared some of the hides and meats with the Peacekeepers and bought their silence with them. A man, who gave, what he had too much, to those suffering the most. The kindness of that man had stopped Fili from signing up for tesserae and from adding his name many additional times for the reaping – not that this had saved him in the end. So instead of leaving Kili to his misery, Fili reached out.

On that day they became brothers, he took the boy under his wings and showed him everything he’d learned.

Fili remembered the years together with fondness. But what had been a friendship in the beginning got incredibly confusing when Kili turned fifteen and started to grow into those lean limbs. He found himself staring at him, fascinated by his movements and a smile, that suddenly made him feel warm. Soon his heart began to pound faster in the brunet’s presence and being with him turned into a quest of bringing that wonderful expression of happiness to his features. As much as he enjoyed his time with Kili, though, he was disgusted by himself. Kili was his friend and five years younger than him, desiring him felt wrong on so many levels the blond found himself quite often filled with the urge to scream. Kili needed someone he could trust and not a person lusting after him.

Even though Fili despised returning to the Capitol each year, being the mentor for young boys and girls about to die, it got his mind off of Kili and helped him to bury his developing feelings, until he was able to convince himself that he didn’t wish for more than friendship. Getting attached was always a bad idea. The lives they lived where traversed by hardship, suffering and loss. He tried to teach his mentees everything he could. But Fili kept his feet on the ground, they wouldn’t survive. What he managed was a miracle. The Career Tributes won almost every year and if his mentees should manage to be the last surviving two, still only one of them could leave the arena. When he went to the Capitol, Fili buried every ounce of compassion to protect his own sanity.

He glanced at Kili’s sleeping form. He was lying on his side, knees slightly drawn up, a position adopted over years, aiming to save as much warmth as possible. The fate of the poor, always feeling the cold in the winter. It broke Fili’s heart to see him like this, but at least his sleep was undisturbed right now, it was a small comfort with the lingering threat of the reaping. It was the last, though. Only one more time and he would never have to fear for Kili again.

Kili’s name was in the lottery only seven times. After winning Fili had ensured that the brunet and his mother were taken care of, they hadn’t gone hungry ever since. The chances were low. If luck was on their side, his nightmares of seeing Kili die in the arena would end tomorrow. He begged silently, to everyone willing to listen, the brunet would be spared one last time, to not take last piece of innocence from him. Watching Fili fight for his life had already scarred him enough as it was.

Fili fell back into a light sleep, the brunet’s even breathing a sweet lullaby.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kili padded sleepily into the kitchen, were Fili had almost finished preparing breakfast. The kitchen looked like every other in the Victor’s Village, but there wasn’t really a reason to complain about the uniform style, when other’s had to live with so much less.

“Good morning! Did you sleep well?” Fili greeted him, trying to silence the fear bubbling up inside him. After today Kili would be free. Just one more reaping. One more moment of fright. And then, never again.

Kili blushed as he wished the blond a good morning as well. Without an invitation he took a seat at the table, long gotten used to their strange little arrangement.

“Sorry, for sneaking into your bedroom again. I know I’m getting too old for that.”

Fili frowned as he heaved an omelette onto Kili’s plate and offered him some fresh bread rolls, the younger lad happily accepted.

“Has your mother said that?” he wondered, while his friend inhaled the scent of the baked good with a content sigh.

“She is right, isn’t she?” Kili replied dismissively, busying himself with reaching for the teapot and pouring it into their mugs.

“Not if it helps you to deal with your nightmares. Which is why you are here now, isn’t it?”

Kili sighed again, facing him as Fili went to sit down beside him.

“I just… I dreamed of the day six years ago and… I just had to make sure you were alright.”

Oh, that horrible day, when Legolas Bellwillow suddenly shouted out his name through the microphone. For a second Fili had felt frozen to the spot, hoping for a very short moment he had misheard, that someone else should walk up there. But of course it wasn’t a mistake, the Capitol didn’t make mistakes and so Fili had begun his slow walk towards the stage.

That was when he’d heard it, Kili screaming his name in desperation and for one terrible moment he feared his young and reckless friend might volunteer for him. The faithfulness to the promise he’d given Fili before the start of the reaping – not to volunteer for anyone – must’ve been stronger, though and Fili hadn’t been more grateful for anything in his life.

“You are always welcome to come to me, Kili. You don’t have to feel ashamed for anything, not with me at least,” Fili told his friend sincerely.

A small smile wandered to the brunet’s lips as he nodded.

“Thank you.”

“Now eat your omelette before it gets cold.” Fili grinned and nudged Kili playfully with his elbow.

They ate in silence, a comfortable silence that would hopefully soon become their routine once this year’s reaping was out of the way. He truly looked forward to inviting him over more often, for the tension to leave them both and even though it might be a stupid idea, with the feelings he’d buried deep within him, he never wanted to lose this beautiful friendship. It had given him the strength to survive the arena after all, the token Kili had gifted him still dangling from his neck.

“When will you leave?” Kili asked him between two mouthfuls.

“I want to be at the train station soon after breakfast. I don’t like that nonsense speech they do every year.”

His friend laughed humourlessly. “Yeah. When have the odds ever been in our favour, save for that one year?”

He didn’t have to ask him, which year he was talking about. They had only ever been grateful for the outcome of one year. The year that hadn’t managed to rip them apart.

“The next weeks are going to be strange without you.”

“Oh, don’t say that. I will be back faster than you think! You are going to wish I’d stayed longer in the Capitol.”

The joke wasn’t leading to the desired effect. Instead of teasing him, the brunet went suddenly quiet, his features taking on a serious expression Fili rarely spotted on the beloved face.

“I wish they wouldn’t drag you there each year,” he whispered bitterly.

Fili couldn’t agree more. He was sick of being responsible for children that were going to die anyway. It wasn’t his fault that they were chosen during the reaping, but every of their deaths weighed upon him regardless how much he tried to up his compassion. He wasn’t able to save them and this feeling of helplessness was terrible.

“Me too,” Fili sighed heavily.  “Believe me.”

“I know,” his friend responded, poking the remaining parts of his omelette without much appetite.

Fili had lost his hunger as well, but still forced himself to eat, wasting food was out of question. Kili followed his example after a while, although the comfortable silence had left and covered them under a blanket of unease instead.

They were quiet as they washed up, moving around each other as if they worked together like this for years. A wave of warmth wandered through the blond’s chest at the thought, although it wasn’t enough to dispel the tension settling down in his muscles at the knowledge that the time to leave for the train was drawing near.

The goodbye, once they were finished, was awkward and forced, the hug that followed, however, made up for it. Fili tried to memorise the feeling of Kili’s arms around him, of his lithe body against his, along with his smell that carried always a hint of the forest.  Seven times… the name of other boys was in there more often… after today his friend would be safe and he’d something to remember while spending his time in the Capitol.

The train was already waiting for the tributes, when Fili arrived. The blond usually didn’t drink, but days like this always asked for a glass or two. He spent his time with staring at the expensive furniture and gazing out of the window and at the great forest every of their people knew like the back of their heads. They had grown up in these woods, with the sun peeking through the leaves, the sounds of woodpeckers and the crackle of the branches. It didn’t matter how often Fili had already visited the Capitol, he’d never gotten used to it. District 7 was his home and nothing could change that.

When Fili was certain to have skipped the preliminary skirmish of the reaping, he turned on the big screen in one of the compartments. Knowing the names of the tributes before they arrived, was the least he could do.

And it seemed as if he’d joined the broadcast right in time, for Legolas turned to the first of the two pots, fishing for the name of a girl. With important-looking steps, Legolas returned to the microphone and slowly began to unfold the piece of paper.

“Natalie Farsand!” his voice echoed over the square.

The girl that slowly broke away from the crowd caused Fili to hide his mouth behind a hand. She was small, thin and looked like a naked branch during the winter. Her dark, black hair was short and as soon as the camera did a close-up, the blond was able to see her shaking. She couldn’t be older than thirteen or fourteen… such a young child again. Gods…

Legolas wrapped an arm around her frail shoulders, once she had climbed onto the stage and stopped beside him. With obvious pride in his voice, he presented the female tribute not only to District 7, but also to the Capitol where millions of people had to be watching the reaping right now. Meanwhile Fili helped himself to another drink, to stop the emerging sickness he could feel in his throat.

“Now we just need a brave young man to accompany this young lady into our beloved Hunger Games!”

Legolas wasn’t a bad guy in general, but like all people who had grown up in the Capitol, he lacked a certain amount of compassion. For him, presenting District 7 during the games was an honour that earned him admiration. In private he could even hold a decent conversation, in public Fili just wanted to smack him, like right now, despite knowing that Legolas had to go along with this farce, even if he wasn’t a supporter of the Hunger Games. President Snow wouldn’t take too kindly to the wrong promotion.

Legolas had drawn another name and was unfolding it with relish.

“Kili Moonflake!”

If Fili hadn’t been sitting down in this moment, his legs would’ve refused to carry him any longer in that moment. With wide eyes he stared at the screen, unable to understand what he’d just heard. That… that had to be a mistake. Legolas hadn’t just called the name of his friend. It was impossible. His name was only seven times in the bowl. The name of other boys was in there more than twenty times. Fate couldn’t be so cruel to choose him during his last year… the year after which the nightmare was supposed to be over.

…

The nightmare would be over, Fili realised as he watched Kili step out of the crowd, just not in the way he’d hoped.

Kili… his Kili… his friend… his self-chosen brother… the man he loved… they would send him into the arena… they would kill him along with twenty-two other tributes. Fili was going to lose him.

With a scream he threw the whiskey bottle and the glass against the nearest wall, hearing it burst and watching the shards scatter in all direction. The glass seemed to match the state of his heart pretty well.

The first tear ran down his cheek when Legolas lead Natalie and Kili into the house of the mayor. What had he done to deserve this? He’d won the games, just to see his friend fight in the arena now. Where was the justice in this mockery? Every year he returned to the Capitol to do his job as a mentor and now he was supposed to teach Kili. He couldn’t see him fight for days, if the brunet managed to survive the massacre of the first day. He couldn’t deal with the fear, couldn’t deal with seeing him fall.

Fili couldn’t tell how long he sat there, pinching himself and begging into the silence of the compartment for the reaping to be nothing more but a nightmare. But his surroundings didn’t change, the smell of whiskey stayed in the air and the shards sparkled almost mockingly in the light of the sun. The Capitol had won once again, how could he ever believe Kili would be safe? No one was safe. Not in this world. Not in this time. Not under the Capitol.

Only when the voice of the escort reached him, muffled by the closed doors of the compartments, the blond was able to dispel the tears. Kili couldn’t see him like this. He would cause his friend to lose hope and Fili didn’t want to take it away from him. Chances of surviving were slim for everyone that wasn’t a Career Tribute, but giving up before the beginning of the games meant a death for sure.

So instead of breaking, Fili wiped the tears away and shoved two spoons into the bowl with the ice and pressed them against his eyes not much later. Hopefully it would help to cover the worst of the signs.

Heaving a deep sigh, the mentor got up eventually, heading for the hallway leading to the next compartment. He didn’t come very far, since another person collided with him almost painfully, wrapping his arms around him, as soon as a surprised gasp left his lips, realisation at who he’d found tightening the hug. Fili returned the embrace fiercely, trying to hold on to his new found control, while Kili shook in his arms like a lonely leaf in the wind.

“I’m so… so sorry,” Fili whispered into his hair, voice catching in his throat.

“I’m going to die,” Kili breathed with despair.

“No! Don’t say that! You are not going to die!”

Maybe, if he said it often enough, Fili would come to believe it himself. It wasn’t that he doubted Kili’s strength and abilities, but he’d experienced first-hand that these things weren’t a warrant for succession. Tributes that had seemed more likely to win had been killed on the first day, while Fili had somehow managed to survive.

The fabric of his shirt began to turn moist at his shoulder.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Against their will, the journey to the Capitol began, and every metre they came closer to the Capitol, Fili’s heart seemed to break a little more. The drive was quiet for the most part, only then and again interrupted by Legolas’ excited babbling. Kili and Natalie looked just as scared as Fili felt. The sight of them reminded him how young they were, how young he himself still was and how unfair this situation was. Children, fighting and murdering each other to the entertainment of others.

Fili knew that he needed to get a grip on himself, that he had to start teaching them already, since the time would be scarce in the Capitol, but how was he supposed to keep it together confronted with Kili’s lost appearance? All he wanted was to take his hand and run away with him.

In the end he managed to find his voice again, just before they arrived. Informing them of the following procedure, Fili just wanted to pull his friend back into his arms, but with Legolas and Natalie watching, he had to maintain his position as the mentor. He told them that there was a crowd waiting and cheering for them and that they should try to win them over. Kili scrunched up his nose clearly scandalised, learning that being liked would get him sponsors made him comply for now.

And so he smiled, a smile that, for the first time since Fili knew him, looked forced and wasn’t carrying any of the beauty the blond was used to. Natalie on the other hand waved shyly at the people, luckily they seemed to be immediately smitten with her humble behaviour… good chances for sponsors.

After making their way through the crowd, Fili led them to a room from where the stylists would take over. Despite explaining them what was going to await them, they were both frightened without a doubt. It didn’t surprise him. Kili had never asked him about his time as a tribute, knowing very well that Fili wasn’t ready to talk about it and who knew if he ever would, besides the brunet had watched the worst part anyway. What terrible day that must’ve been, waking up every morning, fearing the blond might’ve died in the arena, while the younger had been asleep, every fight a tensile test. Fili would experience very soon how his friend had felt all those years back.

Kili shot him a wary glance by the time Fili had to leave him on one of those terrible cots. He tried to smile reassuringly at him, although he could tell it wasn’t working really well. Fili had been immensely frightened and confused the first time he’d stepped into this area. He still felt a little sore, whenever he thought back at the day he’d been rid of every little body hair, save for the pathetic beard he’d been so proud of. The pain of the waxing was the worst part, otherwise there was no reason to be frightened.

Right now, as Legolas urged him to move along, Fili wished he had been able to overcome his powerlessness regarding Kili’s situation sooner. At least some of the fears it might have dispelled had he acted sooner.

Instead he had to step back and wait for the chariot ride, gazing at them from the distance, while the stylists would go over the last nuances of the costumes. On the screens Caesar Flickerman was already summarising the reaping and what to expect of the tributes deducing from their first impression. Kili and Natalie were barely mentioned. Instead Blog of District 1 was the number one topic. His father had won the games without receiving as much as a scratch and so people were expecting quite a good show from his offspring.

Fili cursed. He had to bring Kili and Natalie into the focus somehow, if he wanted them to receive sponsors. It was the easiest way to success.

Meanwhile Kili and Natalie had entered the hall and were heading towards the chariots. The sight took his breath away for a second. His friend was wearing a Kilt, made of green leaves, while roots twined over his naked chest, up to his shoulders. The costume underlined his muscular arms and was certainly designed to sell Kili’s handsome appearance to the crowd. Fili couldn’t say how well it would work for the people outside of the hall, but he could feel his mouth go dry.

Natalie in turn wore a beautiful dress, embroidered with leaves as well. This costume seemed to focus on her delicateness. Even though the blond was able to understand the thought behind it, creating something that would fill the audience with the desire to protect her, he wasn’t sure if this was the right approach. Sex appeal might’ve been the safer choice. There was a chance to make up for this mistake, though, if Natalie did well during the training.

Yet, Fili doubted it. Save for the young men and women from District 1 and 2, none of the tributes were skilled fighters. The blond had known how to wield an axe and his friend and the girl were capable of using one as well, but only because they worked in a District calling lumber its profession. They had learned how to fell a tree, not how to kill.

Although, the young mentor thought, in a dire situation there wasn’t much difference between a head and a tree.

With the last instructions provided, the tributes climbed on the chariot and the vehicles set into motion. Fili was forced to stare at the screens, heart pounding furiously within his chest.

“Everything will be fine. They are very well prepared,” a familiar voice reached his ears.

Fili turned his had slightly to greet Tauriel, Kili’s stylist, who was just heading over to him.

“If they are as well prepared as I was back then, then they are only scared.”

The redhead snorted, but soon focussed her attention solely on the screen as well. Caesar Flickerman was commenting on the costumes, praising their new and unique style. With great relief Fili noticed that the host talked longer about Kili’s costume than the others. Attention, yes, that was what they needed to get him out of there alive.

“See, I’ve outdone myself,” she replied and shoved him playfully.

The following scenes were a mashup of speeches Fili had heard far too often in his life. The sixty-first Hunger Games were entering crunch mode. The training would already begin tomorrow, leading to the rating of the tributes, ere they would be surrendered to the arena after the interviews with Caesar. Realising how little time they had left, Fili felt suddenly nauseous.

Everything went on quickly. From one moment to another Kili and Natalie were back with them and ushered into the elevator by Legolas, who only seemed to have their tight schedule in mind. Dinner was already served, when they stepped into the luxurious apartment and Fili did his best to explain to them, what to concentrate on, but it seemed like a drop in the bucket. Both of them didn’t appear like they had much hope.

It was only when bedtime approached that the blond could finally breathe freely again, his feet automatically guiding him towards Kili’s bedroom. He didn’t need to knock, the door sliding open on its own accord, as soon as the sensor detected his movements.

His friend was sitting on the large bed, glancing at him with surprise, before he averted his eyes, wiping over his cheeks with the thin sleeves of his shirt. Fili grimaced, the sight breaking his heart all over again.

“I’m sorry. Has to be a pathetic sight, huh?” a sniffle and the croaking in his voice hampered his words… words that sounded like poison.

Kili shouldn’t feel ashamed of his tears, there was nothing wrong with it. He had been chosen as tribute, he was about to die, brutally murdered. If anyone deserved to cry, it was him. He was so young… so incredibly young.

Crossing the distance that separated them, Fili took a seat next to his friend. He carefully took his hand and squeezed it gently.

“Hey, it’s alright,” he soothed him. “I’ve cried, too. A lot actually. Before the games, during the games, after them… you are not pathetic, Kee.”

Kili nodded, although it wasn’t looking very convincing. He waited for his friend to respond somehow, but he just gazed at his hand in Fili’s hold and remained silent, giving the quietness room to spread out between them.

It was weird, this sudden discomfort between them, as if they were two strangers again, trying to bond over a great misfortune once more. It felt wrong, but while they were still the same, the place that offered them safety was gone, baring them to the cruelty of the Capitol and robbing them of every piece of calmness.

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” Fili asked him quietly, on the spur of the moment.

The surprised look on the brunet’s features told him, he’d uttered the right question.

“Would you?”

There was so much hope shimmering in the dark orbs, it settled a desperate burning behind his eyes. Fili blinked it away hurriedly, at the same time swallowing down the lump in his throat that had appeared out of the blue.

“Of course,” he told him softly. “I’m here to help you, in any way you need.”

An unfamiliar flood of emotions darted over his friend’s face, too many and too fast for him to interpret them. For a second it almost seemed as if Kili wanted to add something, in the end, though, the corner of his mouth simply raised into a wobbly smile.

“Thank you.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

During the next days of training Fili didn’t have much influence on Kili and Natalie’s schedule. He’d advised them to focus on survival, how to find a shelter and how to make a fire for example, but he could only watch them go every morning and soothe the brunet’s fears in the evening. It was the time of helpless waiting and scarce small talk with possible sponsors that Fili began to work on a small piece of wood.

Years ago Kili had given him a token in hopes of supporting him in the arena and reminding him that his life mattered. Now Fili wanted to repay the brunet’s thoughtfulness.

The day the ratings were supposed to be announced, Kili was a mess. His nerves were raw as he confessed to Fili how he screwed up the archery session, the one thing he deemed himself decent enough in to show it to the jury. As much as the blond tried to reassure him, telling him it wouldn’t matter, he had to get used to the unfamiliar bow and no one would care that the first arrows hadn’t managed to find the target, when every single one afterwards had hit the bullseye. His abilities were not to be overlooked. Despite every of his words, his friend didn’t manage to calm down before he spotted the big _8_ flashing up beside his name.

Their joy was short-lived, though. Natalie’s score wasn’t that flattering, to be honest, Fili lost all hope to find her any sponsors at all as he looked at the three out of twelve points the jury had given her. It was the first time the young girl broke down and cried.

Unfortunately time wouldn’t stop just for Natalie and not much later Fili waited backstage to Caesar’s show, watching how the girl of District 7 tried to win some fans. The host had a great talent of eliciting only the best from the tributes.

Kili looked tense when he was called onto the stage, but what began as a slightly awkward experience, since the brunet never had to talk in front of so many people, soon turned into a light conversation. Caesar was truly a wizard in front of the camera. The first honest smile he managed to tickle out of the young man had the audience gasping and cheering, and caused a blush to colour Kili’s features.

 “Since we still have a couple of other tributes waiting for their turn, we have only time for one more question.”

A disappointed murmur wandered through the crowd, which Caeser responded to with an equally sad expression.

“But I think it’s a question many of our viewers want to know,” carefully reaching for the brunet’s arm and patting it softly, Caesar leaned forwards. “Is there a special someone in your life?”

Fili tensed, while his heartbeat started to pound faster than ever. Heat shot through his body until he believed to melt under the terrible warmth. He tried to remain calm, frozen to the spot, and waited for Kili’s answer. His friend looked surprised with the question and even a little… uncomfortable? Denying it should be easy if there were no strong feelings for anyone… his hesitation, however…

Who… who could the brunet be in love with? Fili thought he would’ve noticed. Spending so much time with Kili should make it obvious, who his friend had fallen for. Yet his mind came up blank and he couldn’t help but wonder if the other had met with someone, whenever Fili was away in the Capitol. Then again, Kili would’ve told him, if that was the case… wouldn’t he?

“No,” Kili denied at last. “No, there is no one.”

“Oh, come on, a handsome lad like you? The girls have to be queuing in District 7.” Caesar turned to the audience. “Don’t worry, I’m sure your fans are able to take it, are you not?”

Once again the audience cheered loudly. With a satisfied smile the host focused his attention back at Kili.

“Tell us, Kili. There is someone you love, am I right?”

“There is,” the brunet confessed quietly.

Fili found it hard to draw breath with the tightness in his throat.

“Then where is the problem? There can’t be any reason why she wouldn’t return your feelings, can it?”

“But there is,” Kili replied, looking away from Caesar and the audience.

“What could possibly stop her?” the host demanded to know with shock.

“…-e only sees me as a brother,” Fili’s friend mumbled so quietly the microphone had trouble catching it.

But the blond understood every syllable. Afterwards he neither heard what Caesar replied, nor the applause, instead there was a deafening ringing covering his ears. His head busy with comprehending what Kili had just said, caused him to feel strangely detached from his surroundings. Kili and him… they were the only people calling each other brother. It was a term they had adopted by the time he took the brunet under his wing, before his feelings had time to grow and turned _family_ into _love_.

And now Kili was saying he loved him back, just before he had to fight for his life in the arena. How could the world be this cruel?

His friend avoided his gaze, when they met again after the show. There was no time for private talk with Natalie, Legolas and Tauriel accompanying them back to the apartment. The evening was quiet, the beginning of the games weighing heavily on everyone’s minds. Legolas might only think of prestige, but the rest of them were aware what was at stake.

Kili and he stayed longer in the living room, so that Fili seized his chance once the others had retired. It was silent and dark inside the large lounge, with only the muffled noise of celebration for the Hunger Games reaching their ears.

“Did you mean it, what you said in the interview?” the blond asked his friend eventually.

In the shadows of the dimmed light Kili shrugged.

“I thought it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

“Did you mean it?” he demanded to know again, his voice more urgent this time.

He nodded and Fili shifted closer to him on the fancy couch.

“So... you love me?” Fili asked gently.

When Kili looked up to meet his eyes, they were wide and gleaming. He nodded again.

“I do... I thought you deserved to know, since...” but his gaze fell to his lap, unable to finish the sentence, his hunched shoulders rising in a weak little shrug.

While his friend wasn’t able to look at him, Fili couldn’t take his eyes away. Kili didn’t fear rejection anymore, he believed to die in the arena and whereas a rational part of the blond understood that this was what would await him, the other part of him, the one that was still hoping for a miracle, had finally reason to make itself heard again. For years Fili was nursing unrequited feelings for the other, just to discover now that they weren’t as unwelcome as feared. Now that he’d learned the truth, there was no way he would give up easily and he wouldn’t let Kili go down without a fight. They deserved to be together. They couldn’t allow the Capitol to take this away from them.

“I need you to fight, Kili,” Fili told him softly shifting closer again, this time not stopping before their thighs almost touched.

This caught his friend’s attention. He looked neither surprised nor shocked, perhaps a little puzzled that Fili wasn’t outright rejecting his feelings, but overall his attentive expression merely urged the blond to continue.

“You see, I haven’t been quite honest with you, too.”

The other shook his head so lightly it was barely noticeable, as if tried to stop himself from hoping.

“I love you, Kili. Ever since you began to grow into the fine young man that is now sitting beside me.”

Fili licked his lips worriedly as he pushed the anxiety away, raised his hand and brought it to rest against Kili’s cheek. The unexpected touch made his friend flinch at first, just when the blond wanted to pull his hand back, apologies already sitting on the tip of his tongue, Kili suddenly leaned into the touch. The brunet’s hand came up to cover his own, keeping it where they both wanted it.

Kili’s eyes were shimmering moistly as a small smile wandered to his lips.

“This is why I need you to fight,” Fili told him, rubbing tender circles over Kili’s cheekbone. “So we will have a chance.”

“I don’t know if I-“

“You can,” he reassured him. “You know how to shoot, how to hunt. You can survive this. Don’t just give up like that.”

To emphasise his words Fili bridged what little distance was still separating them, to press their lips together. It was strange and new, unfamiliar but sweet and far more clumsy then Fili could’ve ever imagined. The warmth, the softness of the other’s lips, the gentle response... these things couldn’t be diminished through it. It was a promise in everything but words. A future that would await them if Kili didn’t lose hope too fast, if he used his usual stubbornness to survive in the arena.

“Please, Kili. Fight for me… for us. Please,” Fili asked him again once they parted, hot breath ghosting over his lips.

For a second it seemed as if his friend wanted to refuse, but then a sparkle returned to his eyes that had been missing for far too long.

“I will,” he promised.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

Natalie had already been sent off with a different plane and different group of tributes, now it was Kili’s turn. They didn’t dare to hug or kiss outside of the safety of their apartment. Fili feared the arm of the Capitol and couldn’t say if he’d ever displeased these people. If so, he certainly wouldn’t put Kili at risk in exposing his feelings for everyone to see. Instead he provided his friend with some last distraction.

“Don’t let them lure you into the cornucopia bloodbath. You know that many people die there during the first day. Turn around and bring as much distance between them and you as possible. And stay on the platform until the countdown has finished.”

The brunet looked pale but nodded, knowing that the bombs around the platforms would explode if he left them too soon.

Before the elevator arrived at its destination, Fili pulled out of one of his pockets, what he’d been working on during the last days.

“Oh and I’ve got something for you.”

Kili reached for the small wooden raven with surprise, a look of fascination crossed his features as he looked it over.

“A token?” the brunet wondered.

“Yeah, so you have something to remember me,” he told him, repeating the exact same words Kili had said years ago, when he’d given Fili the arrowhead. The token had a greater meaning this time, though, since it should also remind the brunet of his promise.

“Thank you,” his friend replied, just as the elevator stopped and the doors slid open.

There was no time for meaningful farewells. Exchanging a last longing glance at each other was all they were offered, ere a couple of peacekeeper appeared to guide Kili to the plane.

With a heavy heart and the image of Kili casting a last glimpse back at him, Fili returned to the apartment. His hands were trembling slightly as he took a seat on the couch and waited for Tauriel’s call. He’d instructed her to inform him immediately about the clothing the tributes had to wear. It could tell a good deal about the arena and would help Fili plan.

“What are you doing here already, shouldn’t you be with the sponsors and wait for the beginning?” Legolas asked him as soon as he spotted him, raising his brows in suspicion.

“What good would that do, if they don’t survive the bloodbath?” he shot back.

He couldn’t be seen in public if the worst case occurred. Fili might break down or worse.

“You should have some more trust in our tributes.”

Perhaps the other blond was right, but trust had never been rewarded since he’d become a mentor.

It took an eternity until Tauriel called, leading Fili into the safety of his bedroom, while Legolas had already turned on the screen for the broadcast.

“Thick lining, scarves and fur boots,” she kept it simple.

Cold terrain. Perhaps mountains or a cold conifer forest. If it turned out to be the latter, Kili got great chances to survive. Fighting in an environment he knew could be the key advantage.

Fili had never been so wrong with his assumptions. His breath caught in his throat as he stared at the woodless landscape, a tundra. Open terrain as far as one could see, with just a couple of ruins offering shelter here and there.

He spotted Kili somewhere in the middle. As the voice counted down, Fili noticed the usual emotions on the features of the tributes, fear, determination, uncertainty… most of the kids had no idea how to proceed and who could fault them, ruthless murders and skilled fighters weren’t bred in a couple of days.

There was something different about Kili. He didn’t seem scared anymore, but radiated a serious aura. Fili tried to figure out what his friend had set sight on that caused his whole body to look ready for a sprint. The way his gaze focussed completely on the cornucopia concerned him. It wasn’t until the countdown had ended that it dawned on him what his friend intended.

 _No... no… nonononono!_ His mind was occupied with the one word as he had to watch Kili run straight towards the cornucopia. What was he doing? Fili had told him to stay away from it! It was a death trap!

His friend seemed only to have eyes for the bow and the quiver with arrows, leaning against a pile of backpacks. Kili was a fast runner, but not fast enough. By the time he reached the bow another tribute had already gone for one of the knives, throwing it at the brunet. Fili’s friend managed to duck before the weapon could cut deep into his flesh. Then, an arrow was nocked and Kili’s attacker sunk to the ground.

The blond wasn’t able to catch his breath. Another boy had grabbed Kili by the hood, yanking him backwards and causing his back to collide hard with the ground. For a couple of heartbeats the brunet’s mouth opened as he gasped frantically, but no air seemed to find its way into his lungs.

The other towered over him, a cruel smile on his face and raising the axe. The boy of District 2, Fili realised. Kili’s eyes were wide with fear. Later the blond wouldn’t be able to tell what made his friend act, if it was the fear or the first bit of oxygen returning to his chest. It didn’t matter, for when Kili smashed the limb of the bow against the other’s cheek, making him howl with pain, Fili was shaking with relief.

Kili struggled to his feet, grabbed one of the backpacks and fled towards the ruins, leaving the bloodbath behind. Fili felt nauseous by the time his friend was finally safe for now, back resting against a wall and breathing so fast as if he was going to choke any second.

If he hadn’t been sitting on the couch, Fili was sure his legs would've surrendered to the panic holding him in its suffocating embrace.

This fool! This utter, reckless fool! Risking his life just for the bow. Had he lost his mind?

The blond rubbed his hands over his face, trying to calm down again after almost seeing Kili fall during the very first minutes of the games. Was this how his friend had felt, when he’d seen Fili fight in the arena? How had he survived this awful kind of fear? Even now, knowing that the brunet wasn’t in danger for the time being, his whole body seemed to be stretched tight. As if the wrong motion could rip him apart. The trembling wouldn’t cease and he almost expected Kili to be attacked once again. Every minute now. He had to prepare himself. Had to… had to…

“Well, that was a success!” Legolas exclaimed with a satisfied smile by the time the first cannon shot echoed over the arena, announcing the first death after the bloodbath. The presenter of District 7 didn’t look as if he’d taken notice of Fili’s poor state yet.

Fili counted five shots. That meant surprisingly few victims for the first hour.

“How can you call this a success?” he snapped agitatedly.

“Both of our tributes are alive. District 7 hasn’t been so lucky since you won.”

This was the first time Fili realised Natalie had gotten away as well. It shouldn’t be that surprising, though. Unlike Kili she had listened to him.

After the first shock of the games was over, Fili tried to calm down, breathing rhythmically and counting every inhale. This, along with watching Kili opening his backpack and inspecting the stuff inside it, guided his heartbeat back to normal. He needed to get a grip on himself. He couldn’t allow this to happen every time his friend was in a dangerous situation. Fili needed to remain level-headed since Kili’s life depended also on the conversations he would have with the sponsors. Becoming hysterical in their presence, just because Kili was fighting, wasn’t going to help with his reputation and most of all not grant Kili any gifts.

Bearing that in mind Fili managed to return to his usually state as a mentor. Pushing the feelings away, hiding them behind a wall only he could pull down was the safest way of supporting both of them. Meanwhile Kili had brought to light a filled drinking bottle, a tarpaulin, a small shovel, iodine drops and a small bag of dried fruits. It was a meagre haul, considered with what Fili and the tributes in the years before and after had to make do with.

The last five years as a mentor had skilled his eyes for things like that and his mind was already busy with the arena, trying to remember what he had seen and then it dawned on him what he needed to do. Fili got up hurriedly and turned towards the apartment door, wasting no time.

“Fili?” Legolas called after him with confusion. “What’s going on?”

“I need to talk to the sponsors.”

“But didn’t you say it was too soon just yet.”

“They are going to freeze to death!”

The arena was an ice cold tundra. There were barely any tress and bushes, just open terrain with a couple of ruins and the cornucopia to find shelter and no resources to build a fire. Kili had grabbed a backpack closest to the cornucopia and therefore one that contained the most useful things for this arena, still it hadn’t contained any matches and even if it had, what little wood the tundra offered, would most likely be too moist to catch fire. Keeping warm was the most important thing in such a place and with just the jacket, already the first night could become dangerous.

Besides, the faster he acted the more willing the sponsors would be to pay for an expensive gift. The prices increased the longer the games continued after all.

Fili found the first group of wealthy men soon enough. So far it didn’t seem like the other mentors were trying to negotiate items for their mentees, so either their tributes followed a plan the blond had no idea about or the other’s hadn’t yet realised the danger of the arena.

Joining the group and its lively discussion, the blond was greeted with excitement and included into their musing without hesitation. Fili began his work immediately, talking about the trouble of making fire and the cold area. He mentioned Kili, his good looks and his breath-taking smile and what a shame it would be, if the daughters and grandchildren of the gentlemen never received another chance of seeing it.

With every word that left his lips, Fili felt a little more disgusting and longed for a shower as if it could wash the terrible words from his body that seemed to stick to his skin like pitch. But Kili’s handsome looks were a benefit he had to use, just like his archery skills. Standing out in some way, and if it was only the appearance, bestowed attention and the more attention the more people would offer money and what one sponsor might not be ready to pay, a group could view differently.

It took longer than he would’ve liked. Probably because the games had just began and sponsors weren’t easily convinced, when they couldn’t see with their own eyes that their favourite was in need of their help. But in the end, twelve people agreed to make an investment and a gift was sent off.

Fili’s heart felt a little lighter as he watched the parachute sink towards Kili. Surprise was written on his friend’s features, as he bent down to open the big capsule. Despite expecting the brunet to reveal the gift to the cameras immediately, he reached for the small note instead. It was one of those usual messages mentors were allowed to add to the gift, but for his friend it seemed to be more than just that.

 _‘Stay warm – F.’_ was what he had attached. Two words no one would deem suspicious and yet they drove tears to Kili’s eyes. A wobbly smile graced the brunet’s lips, as they mouthed a silent thank-you. Fili almost believed to hear his voice resonating in his head.

Carefully the tribute took out the gift, revealing a warm white fur in the form of a poncho. His hands wandered over the soft fabric as if he could barely believe his own sense of touch. But eventually his mind seemed to comprehend what he’d been sent and he wrapped himself into it not much later.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

If Fili was honest with himself, he was surprised to see that Natalie had survived the night. Of course he’d tried to find a sponsor for her as well, but with her low rating no one wanted to waste money on her. It turned out that she was pretty clever and even if she wasn’t a fighter, her wit would be her weapon. During the night three tributes had died from the cold. Two of them had shed their clothes and looked, in the recap Caesar presented the viewers, as if they had believed to suffer a heat stroke. Natalie had gathered the scattered clothes and put them on over her own, since she was a narrow young girl they were fitting perfectly on top.

Bolg had followed a similar strategy, only that he wore the clothes of his victims. Still, the bloodshed of the games was relatively low compared with the years before. Most tributes were suffering from the cold, huddling somewhere to protect themselves from the icy gale howling over the open terrain and not even the Career Tributes dared to move far away from the cornucopia.

Kili seemed fine so far, the fur was doing a great job. Still, the dried fruits had been demolished on the first day and he needed to find water. The bottle hadn’t offered much and food was scarce. He might not die from the cold, but dehydration was nevertheless a strong enemy. And so Fili watched his friend leave his hiding spot in the ruins.

The arrow was already nocked as his gaze wandered over his surroundings. He was hesitant and the mentor couldn’t fault him for it. His shelter had offered him more than just protection from the wind, it had also given him walls that stopped other tributes to attack him from behind or the side. There had only been one direction he’d needed to keep an eye on, now however, every step meant a threat.

Despite the worrisome situation, Kili managed to reach the stream without spotting another tribute and so he simply filled his bottle again. When he got up, though, he didn’t head back towards the ruins. Fili noticed this with relief. Staying in one place was risky, for he would be found sooner or later and while Bolg wasn’t moving far away from the cornucopia yet, this was most likely going to change the longer the games continued and the more his desire to win grew.

There was about a kilometre between the brunet and the stream, when Kili stopped at a steep hillside. Inspecting the small set of rocks protruding from the earth, the young man began to scan the area. Once he deemed it safe, Kili flopped down, leaning against the wall for protection and huddling into the warm fur.

This day one tribute died, killed by Bolg as the girl attempted to steal some of his food, otherwise it was quiet. At night Fili could feel his heart ache with longing as he watched his friend glancing at the night sky. Was Kili feeling the same? Was he imagining Fili and how it would feel to hold each other again, to kiss, to whisper promises of love in the other’s hair, to wish for all of this to be over?

Fili swallowed hard. Kili had to survive. He had to win. Fili wouldn’t know how to go on with a piece of himself missing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

That night four more tributes died in the cold. The late hours were regularly interrupted by cannon shots, announcing the death of another. The day after that six other passed away, leaving only five. Kili, Natalie, Bolg and the boy of District 2 and 10. Even Fili hadn’t seen an arena ever turn into such an enemy. Usually it was the tributes one had to fear most, but this terrain was brutal. Natalie had continued gathering clothes, she was the only girl to survive that long, the other girls either lacked Natalie’s creativity or the fat reserves to withstand the cold for a little longer.

But while Fili’s foresight had spared Kili a miserable death, the hunger was written all over his face by now. Seeing him like this hit the blond with the force of a physical blow. His friend needed strength to get through this terrible experience and therefore couldn’t go on much longer without food, he was on edge most of the time as it was and slept only briefly during the night. With every passing hour the young mentor thought about heading to the sponsors once more. He couldn’t say if they would help him this time, though. With just a couple of tributes left the prices for the gifts were rising and considering the amount they had already paid for the fur, he wasn’t sure if he could urge them to send Kili food, especially since the brunet carried a bow along and was capable of hunting.

Besides, with the decimated enemies there were other possibilities Fili had to consider. What if Kili got hurt in a fight later on? What if he needed medicine and Fili couldn’t get any more items for him, because the pool of funds of Kili’s sponsors was depleted, because the young mentor had talked them into sending the brunet a bowl of soup? Oh, how he wished he could just take part of his prize to buy his friend everything he might need in the arena, but he was a mentor and the rules clear.

And so Fili fought an inward battle, tumbling between concern, at the sight of Kili’s discomfort, and rationality. In the end it was the brunet who acted, before his mind could come to a satisfying solution.

His friend was much slower this time, while he wandered along the stream running through the tundra. Steps that looked less fleet-footed, stumbling over every other unevenness made Fili wince with guilt. He shouldn’t have allowed things to come that far. He hated it. Hated the games. Hated that Kili was chosen. Hated that he had to sit here, doomed to watch his friend suffer, when everything he wanted was to pull him into a tight hug and never let go again.

Following the brunet with his eyes, witnessing his struggles, seemed to go on for an eternity, so that he actually signed with relief, by the time Kili stopped, dead in his tracks. A reindeer was trotting towards the stream, unaware of the danger waiting in the distance. Nocking an arrow with shaking hands, Kili remained motionless for a second, focussing solely on the target. Fili noticed him exhale, as the arrow was sent flying. His aim was true, where his steps were not.

The moment the knees of the animal buckled, Kili darted forward. The reindeer had been killed as soon as the arrow hit its mark. What happened afterwards would be a picture Fili wouldn’t forget for as long as he lived. With desperation the brunet loosened the head from one of his arrows and began the painstaking process of skinning his prey with the tiny object. Kili had no knife and therefore no other way to proceed. It was bloody and terrible to watch. The white fur was stained when next Kili reached for the shovel and rammed it into the flesh, cutting with the blunt tool, until he could finally yank a chunk of meat out of the body.

Fili knew what would happen, there was no wood for a fire, neither dry branches nor flints and yet, when Kili bit into the raw meat, he had to look away. Just for his gaze to dart back to the screen at the sudden heave reaching his ears, whatever small amount his friend had managed to eat, he threw it up again, along with the water he had drunken some time ago.

Kili was shaking, silent tears running down his cheeks that threatened to rip the blond’s chest apart. A look of disgust was shot to the carcase and for a second it seemed as if he would simply get up and walk away from it, but then the brunet had to remember his hungry state from before, wiped the tears of, leaving bloody specks on his cheeks and tried again. This time Kili chewed methodically and while his grimace appeared as if it was about to announce another fit of vomiting, the brunet miraculously managed to keep it down. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The cannon shot startled Kili awake. Fili had given up on sleep that night, feeling like he needed to be close to his friend after what he’d been forced to do, even if his only way of supporting his friend was of staying up all night and making sure he was alright through the screen.

A scream was what followed, high and frightened. The brunet was up on his feet in a heartbeat. With the full moon illuminating the tundra, the only light the tributes could hope for at night, he had a good view over the area. Someone was stumbling, running away from a threatening shadow close behind her. It was Natalie, as Fili knew.

“Nat!” Kili seemed to have realised it as well. “Nat, come over here!” he called over the plain, his voice echoing away in every direction without resistance.

Hurrying towards her, Kili reached for an arrow and aimed it at the attacker. Natalie must’ve tripped over something, since she suddenly plunged to the ground, just a couple of steps away from Kili. The other tribute wasn’t slowing down, raising something above his head that sparkled in the moonlight.

“Stop!” the brunet screamed at him. “Put your weapon down!”

But the other wasn’t listening, only focussing on the girl, trying to struggle back onto her feet.

“I’m warning you! I’m going to shoot!”

Natalie darted a glance over her shoulder.

“Stop!!”

Someone was chuckling madly. “I’m going to take you with me, you little bitch.”

Natalie screamed with fright, ducking her head reflexively. A whirr sizzled through the air.

For the blink of an eye it was deadly silent.

Then the weapon slipped from the other tribute’s fingers, hitting the ground with a _thud_.

Fili didn’t dare to breathe. There hadn’t been a cannon shot yet and while the hostile tribute was wavering dangerously, he was still a threat.

But then it seemed as if his strings had been cut and the young man fell, crushing into the dirt. He was coughing and groaning, freeing Kili from his frozen state and crossing the last metres separating him and Natalie. Helping her back up, they brought a safe distance between them and the injured tribute.

“Are you alright?” Kili asked her, his gaze wandering to and fro between her and the possible threat.

“He killed Bran,” Natalie whispered frantically.

“Who is Bran?”

“The… the boy from District 10… he… he helped me. He gave me food and I gave him some clothes in return.”

And then she was sobbing in his arms and Kili tried to hush her, pulling her away from the other tribute still lying on the ground and who didn’t look like he was going to get up again. The brunet led her to his current shelter, offered her some water and tried to soothe her grief for the kind boy as best as possible under these circumstances.

“I don’t want to die,” she wailed in desperation.

Fili felt awful seeing them like that. Despite trying to help Natalie, his focus had been on Kili. How could he not? Kili was the man he loved. Every of his struggles in the arena felt as if Fili was going through them as well. The man he wanted to have back in his arms. Natalie deserved a better mentor. A mentor that would suffer with both of his mentees and not favour one over the other. Even now Fili was aware that Kili’s life would come with a horrible price and that Natalie would be one of the two people left to pay it. He felt so nauseous he wanted to throw up.

“Shh, you are not going to die,” Kili whispered to her softly.

It didn’t seem like it was working. Natalie was simply shaking her head, crying and completely lost in her emotions.

“Come here, you are shivering,” Kili said, pulling her into his arms and wrapping her into the fur.

Rocking her gently, the brunet began to hum a quiet tune in hopes to calm her. He only stopped once the cannon went off a second time that night.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The first hue of the morning was colouring the sky in a beautiful mixture of blue and orange. Fog covered the grasses of the tundra under a misty blanket. It was silent, save for the gurgling of the stream close by.

A hand grabbed Kili’s hair, yanking him backwards and away from Natalie, who awoke with a scream. Kili fingers dug into the skin of his attacker's wrist as he thrashed about violently, trying to escape the strong grip but not succeeding.

Bolg’s dagger glistened in the light of the rising sun, as he raised it over his head, aiming at Kili’s chest. The brunet was still struggling, but looked like nothing but a rag doll in the strong grip of the other. Fili’s mouth opened in a silent cry, while his friend’s widened eyes stared at the weapon fearfully.

But then someone slammed into Bolg, burying teeth into his arms and causing the other to roar with pain. Kili slipped free, reaching for his bow and slamming it against the tribute’s hand, sending the knife off into a flight before it plunged into the stream just a couple of metres away from the.

Bolg wasn’t so easily defeated, though. His hand smashed into Natalie’s face. The pain caused her to let go as she crumpled on the ground, hands pressing against her bleeding nose. The Career started to go after her, kicking her in the stomach ere Kili was able to pull the first arrow from his quiver.

“Leave her alone!”

The shot was inexact, merely grazing the other guys arm, but it turned Bolg’s attention away from the girl at his feet. A hateful glare was directed at Kili. What happened afterwards occurred so fast, Fili’s head was barely able to comprehend what he was seeing. The enemy leaped at Kili, tackling him to the ground and thus pressing the air from his lungs as the bow slipped from his hand. Gasping, the brunet tried to convince his lungs to start working again, but Bolg didn’t seem like he wanted to give him the opportunity to fight back.

His fits began to pound against Kili’s side mercilessly, making Fili’s friend gasp and groan and grunt with agony, without giving him enough time to recover or to protect himself. Kili wasn’t this kind of a fighter. He knew how to use a bow, but had never been in a battle like this. Bolg would win this, the blond realised with panic, staring at the screen, condemned to witness the brutal murder of the man he loved.

He wanted to smash something, to scream, to cry, to do _something_! Instead he found himself frozen to the spot, tense muscles shaking with nerves as he whispered a _no_ over and over again.

Just when Fili wanted to avert his gaze, unable to watch Kili dying, Natalie was there once again. Throwing her fragile body on Bolg’s back and while it was a weak attempt and their enemy had no trouble with tossing her off of him, it gave Kili the time to smack his hands over Bolg’s ears.

The Career screamed. Making good of the brief advantage Kili crawled away from him. His movements were stiff, putting a mask of anguish onto his features.

Natalie looked dizzy and fell back into the grass as she attempted to get up.

The relief was only short-lived. Before Kili could even think of struggling to his feet, Bolg’s fingers curled around the strap of the quiver. Yanking him towards the Career, the brunet almost did a somersault at the force that pulled him on his feet and flung him on his back.

Fumbling with the clasp of the quiver, Kili was able to open it, sending Bolg stumbling when the resistance suddenly disappeared. He recovered too fast for Fili’s liking, this time grabbing the fur. His knuckles smashed into Kili’s cheek, his stomach, his back.

The young man stumbled, trying to raise his arms to protect himself from the punches, but he seemed too blinded from the pain to have any success with it. When Kili’s knees buckled, threatening to refuse to carry his weight for much longer, Bolg clutched the jacket and hauled him along. The fabric tore on the way, with the Career only letting go of the brunet once they reached the spot where Kili’s bow was resting peacefully in the grass.

Kili was breathing laboriously, a painful wheeze accompanying every of his inhales. Fili was crying openly as he watched how the broken body of his friend gave up. As he no longer attempted to get up and followed Bolg’s movement with tired eyes. The bald tribute smiled in triumph as he picked up the bow, ambling to the quiver now.

Slowly and trembling with exertion, Kili stretched out his hand, reaching for something lying in front of him in the dirt. Fili sobbed loudly in his empty bedroom, as he realised it to be the little token he’d carved for Kili. It must’ve fallen from his pocket, when the jacket was ripped apart.

He wasn’t able to touch it, for before his fingertips could get close enough, Bolg scrunched it with his foot, smirking sadistically as he raised Kili’s bow, drawing the string and aiming straight at the brunet’s head.

There was something different about Kili now, though. A fire had returned to his eyes after they had widened with shock. And from one moment to another, he was back on his feet and rammed his shoulder into Bolg’s chest. The arrow disappeared into the air, whereas the Career, Kili and the bow plunged into the icy stream.

The sudden coldness engulfing them left them both gasping for air as they surfaced again, still pushing and kicking against the other. But Kili was weakened and Bolg the stronger fighter in a hand-to-hand combat. With his whole weight he pressed on the brunet, pushing his head under the water.

Kili tried to throw him off, with the cold and his other injuries, he was tiring fast, though. At the sight of his friend’s helpless fight against a far stronger opponent, Fili felt his heart break. Grief wrapped around him like a cold blanket, depriving his body of the last bit of warmth he was feeling. There would be no life without Kili. No joy, no laughter, no reason to go on in this terrible world. Nothing but emptiness would await him after this day. Nothing.

“This is my victory,” the Career sneered.

A flash as if lightning had struck.

Bolg’s hands shot to his throat, blood running over them. The scarf had slipped, cut apart and soaking up the dark liquid fast. Kili pushed him off, emerging from the water with a gasping breath and a fit of coughing. A dagger was resting in his hand, a blade he clung to for dear life, while Bolg still tried to stop the bleeding, but couldn’t get a good grip on it. For the first time since the beginning of the games Bolg looked frightened.

The weapon he’d attempted to kill Kili with, the weapon that had disappeared in the stream had now sealed Bolg’s fate.

Kili staggered away from him and out of the water. With a last glimpse at the other tribute, who couldn’t stay upright any longer, the brunet turned his back on him. Shivering, Kili threw the dagger to the ground, ere he fell down on his knees. Coughing a little, he reached for the token. It barely looked like a raven anymore, the wood was splintered or broken. And yet he picked it up so carefully as if it was still intact. Kili pressed the tiny raven to his chest and began to cry.

The cannon went off, announcing Bolg’s death. Fili heaved a deep sigh of relief that turned into a sob not much later. Kili was alive. He had won. Somehow he’d managed to do the impossible. He was badly bruised and possibly hypothermic, but he was alive.

Natalie headed over to her companion. She looked just as unsteady on her feet, as she had looked before. But things could be worse. Both of them could be dead.

Kili peeked over his shoulder in time to see her bend down to reach for the dagger.

“Nat?” he croaked hoarsely. His voice sounded broken, if it came from the cold water or what he had just gone through, Fili wasn’t able to tell.

By the time the girl lifted her head, the blond noticed with worry the fear and desperation on her features. Kili seemed to spot it as well, since he hurriedly got back onto his feet.

“Nat, don’t do this,” he pleaded with her.

“I don’t want to die,” she whispered. Every muscle in her body seemed to tremble.

“There is another way.”

“There is not! You or me! It’s you or me! I don’t want to die!”

Fili had gotten up, moving closer to the screen as if he could walk right into the situation and stop the girl.

“Nat, please-”

Whatever Kili wanted to add, Natalie took a deep breath and attacked him.

She missed him by a hair’s breadth, giving Kili the momentum to pushed her back, ere she tried to stab him again. Natalie slipped on the grass and fell.

The sound of another cannon shot echoed through the arena.

Kili stared at her for a second, his eyes so immensely wide with shock. Then he took a slow step towards her.

“Nat?”

And another.

“Natalie?”

She wasn’t moving. No breath sitting in her chest. Her unseeing gaze was turned at the sky.

The tears were running freely over Fili’s cheeks by now. She had hit her head on a rock.

“Nat,” Kili sank down beside her body, weeping silently.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“President Snow isn’t really happy with the games this year,” Tauriel told him casually.

Fili couldn’t care less. He waited for the doctors to patch Kili up. He needed to see him. Needed to make sure he was alright. Not over a screen. In person. He needed to hold him in his arms, whisper words of love into his hair and tell him how happy he was that he had survived. How good it was that he had survived. Kili was with no doubt feeling guilty. Fili felt guilty, too. For Kili. For Natalie. For all of the other tributes before them. But they were both only pawns in a game. There was nothing they could do, besides trying to go on.

“Not enough bloodshed, as far as I know. Too many tributes have died because of the cold, I guess there will be major changes next year,” she mused.

“Can you give me a minute alone with Kili, before you style him for Caesar’s show?”

Tauriel didn’t seem very surprised, simply nodded and claimed she had to work on some of her ideas still anyway. Fili wasn’t able to put into words how grateful he was for her understanding.

When he was finally allowed inside the room, Kili was sitting on a cot, dressed in a plain white shirt and pair of trousers, looking so forlorn it broke Fili’s heart all over again. His expression crumbled as soon as their eyes met and Fili practically ran over to him.

Pulling him into his arms, but mindful of the brunet’s injuries, Fili captured their lips in a desperate kiss. Kili sobbed into it, holding on to him as if the blond was the only thing that kept him from drowning. Knowing what it was like to win to games, this assumption was most likely true.

“You are safe now,” Fili whispered between kisses. “Thank you. Thank you so much for surviving.”

“The raven-,” Kili rasped.

“I will carve you a new one,” he soothed him. “I’m just glad you are here with me.”

Afterwards he let Kili cry in his arms, not for a second breaking the embrace. Kili was a mess of bruises and terrible memories, but he was here with him, breathing, alive, warm and nothing else mattered.

“I love you,” Fili murmured against the brunet’s temple, repeating it over and over again like a mantra against the demons and wounds in their souls.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_The following years aren’t easy, but they have each other. When one awakes during the night, screaming from haunted memories, the other is there to hold him, whispering sweet words of nothing until his love remembers their surroundings again._

_They are mentors, they see more and more tributes die, but there are also good years, when Blight and Johanna win the games. It is less depressing to know they could at least save one of their mentees._

_But then the 74 th Hunger Games come and Katniss Everdeen wins, along with Peeta Mellark. They call them both the star-crossed lovers, but Fili and Kili know what they are. They tricked the Capitol, humiliated it. Never before have there been two winners and the change is something not only the Capitol feels, but also the Districts. The approaching rebellion is almost palpable in the air. _

_In the year after, the third Quarter Quell takes place. When the tributes are chosen from the pool of previous winners, they know they have to get away. Running away was never an option before, the Capitol too strong and chances of survival too slim. But now things have changed and when the reaping sees Johanna and Blight as tributes for the games, Fili and Kili don’t join them as mentors this time._

_It is strange at first. To get used to each other's shaved heads, to Fili’s smooth skin and Kili’s thick beard, but it’s a way of disguise. They disappear into the woods and no one notices, the Capitol too busy with trying to win a war._

_They built a little cottage deep within the forest and don’t meet a human soul for five years. When they do, they learn that the world has changed. Snow is dead and there are no Hunger Games anymore. They can still feel the wounds in their hearts, breathing, however, turns suddenly lighter._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that this story is finished, I want to say a big thank-you and lots of kudos to [Vickymaus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Vickymaus/pseuds/Vickymaus), who helped me with plotting and expanding the idea, gave me second opinions whenever I felt like my writing sounded like crap and who has always been so supporting and encouraging. I seriously couldn't have finished this story without her enthusiasm.  
> She has also drawn a beautiful [moodboard](http://vitiscouso.tumblr.com/post/152443489010/misery-loves-company-by-nelioe-on-ao3) for the story, check it out if you have the time!
> 
> And of course, thanks to all of your for reading, leaving kudos and commenting! I hope you enjoyed the story, despite it's heavy subject.


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